Why Do Fathers Matter? A Wounded Daughter’s Perspective

This weekend is Father’s Day. Today we focus on our fathers and our love for them. We focus on everything we love and appreciate about our fathers. Some of us didn’t have great fathers. I didn’t. I love my father. But he hurt me terribly. And I’m no longer married to my children’s father. That doesn’t mean I don’t understand the importance of a father. For daughters and sons alike.

Why do fathers matter?

I believe that a father is the single most influential man in a child’s life.

He is the one person who has the most input into developing a child’s perception of what a man is, who a man is supposed to be, and how a man interacts in the world. This is equally important to both boys and girls.

For boys, a father is a role model for who he will become someday.

A father shows a boy how to treat his wife/partner, how to work, how to contribute to his household, how to treat his children, how to treat others, how to be, in short, a man. A boy will have many other role models, but he is part of his father—he is his legacy. While the boy can choose to be different from his father, it will be a choice: to be different than. No other man will ever have as much of an impact as the father. This is a huge responsibility. Most fathers take this responsibility to heart and do everything they can to be the best men they can for their sons. They may not always get it right, but they certainly try. They are imprinted on the very souls of their sons.

For daughters, a father is the most pure love a girl will ever experience from a man.

This is absolute acceptance. He does not expect anything from her. He holds her hand, hugs her, kisses her, cuddles her and adores her. But he does not expect anything in return. No man will ever love her like that in her life. Only her father. He tells her she is smart, capable, beautiful, and sees everything about her that is wonderful. His perfect love is incomparable to any other. How he treats her and how he treats her mother is a foundation for her as she goes out into the world. His example will powerfully influence her in her life.

My father hurt me. And I’m raising my sons on my own. But that doesn’t mean I don’t see the value in fathers. In fact, because of this, I see it quite the opposite. Because my father wasn’t there for me, there will always be this part of me that aches for a man who will love me without expecting anything in return. That is not an adult relationship and I can’t ask for that. But that little girl that didn’t have a father to hold me and protect me is still there crying out for that safe place. It will never happen. It’s too late.

My boys need to know how to be good men. Much of that is up to me. But I have to consult with men I respect to really know how to do that. And the parts of them that don’t get what they need from their father are just as sad and aching as I am. Those parts of the soul that need the father cannot be replaced.

Fathers, you are irreplaceable.

Each child of yours, whether a girl/boy or somewhere in between; whether oldest or youngest; whether biological or not; whether near or far—each child that is your responsibility—needs you as much they need food or air. You may not be perfect, and you may not have all the answers; but your children NEED you. Mothers are important and necessary for their part and so are you. Don’t stop what you are doing, never give up, always stay connected to your kids no matter what. Your kids may never actually thank you if you do, but they will have a Daddy-shaped hole in their hearts until they day they die if you don’t.

Dads, you matter more than you know.

©UnnecessaryWisdom.wordpress.com 2013

Why do you think dads are important to children? How did your father impact your life?

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